love civilisation. Its unbelievable to think (and this is especially true in a small place like England), when you look around you, every single inch of everything has been touched and changed by a creature. It is civilisation. Fields, hedges, copses, parks... ...pavements, white lines on the road and cables in the sky.

All of it has been made and built, then knocked down and rebuilt. Someone ploughed the field before it was ever built on. Someone else cut down the trees before it was a field. The amount of human effort that has gone into creating what we have today is astounding.

Now, this could be because I have spent my entire life stuck here in this self loathing country (except for a few weeks here and there. Not the self loathing, England is always self loathing). If I had spent, say half a year somewhere different where I couldn't understand a word they were saying to be able to tell whether they were self loathing or not, like Hungary or India then maybe I'd have a slightly different outlook on everything. But why should I care?

I look around me and see lots of "things." Right now, in this room. Obviously I see a computer and a net connection. I also see music, photographs, a soldering iron, a mirror, bed, stereo, a couple of books (yeah I know I should read more), clothes, an umbrella, loads of stuff.

I know that if anything went missing then I'd be pretty pissed off. Even little things like pens vanishing, for whatever reason. They only cost pence but when something as cheap as that isn't there I get really fucking annoyed [drag on imaginary ciggy]. O.K. calm. Its not about the cost its how useful it is.

The other day I spilled half a pint of milk in my printer. Unfortunately printers are not born and raised the same way as babies or even calves. They don't like moisture and especially not liquid proper. There is no category the troubleshooter named:

"Have you poured milk in the paper tray?"

If there was I'd be impressed. But, I am furious. I had the luxury of downloading stuff through my nice net connection and printing out to read at my leisure. I don't have that privilege any more, all because of a bottle of milk costing less than 50p. The printer would cost over 100quid to fix which is over half of its original price. I am perfectly capable of repairing the printer except I don't have any replacement parts.

Buying somehing begins the buying frenzy. Everyone knows how enjoyable shopping is. That's not exactly my point but, you when you have a computer, you can't usually just get by with the computer. You have to buy disks, software, a printer, modem, camera... the list is endless. The same with anything else, a stereo is another example. It is pretty useless on its own, (I know: except for the radio) so you go out and buy some CDs or vinyl.

Having stuff gives us something to do. It gives us more of a reason to have a job. The main reason being that you need somewhere to live, to keep the rain off. Most of us would rather be doing something we enjoy. A lucky few of us have jobs we enjoy :-). I am still being "educated" so I am feeling particularly bitter about this at the moment.

A lot of people I know, including myself at the moment, seem to see their purpose as obtaining the most awe inspiring thing possible. Most creatures on the earth are here simply to keep themselves and others in existence. Humans enjoy testing themselves with little games. They make stuff and make others want it.

t is a terrible affliction, wanting things. The time I notice it the most is when I have to move somewhere different for longer than two weeks. If I go on holiday then I accept that taking my decks, two PC's, hi-fi and CD collection is a trifle extravagent. But everytime I set off to university despite the amount of effort it takes and inconvenience it causes I still have to take everything.

The actual university work bit of the packing takes literally three minutes. It consists of my notes, pencil case and a pad of paper. I need nothing more to study at university. Thats it. It all fits into a record bag. I need some clothes, a week's clothes will fit into a rucksack. A cup. A brush to wash the cup, with some detergent, I'll need that as well, toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, spongebag, radio, duvet...

oh my god...

it is impossible.